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A Beautiful Party, A Beautiful Life
Two beautiful things happened this weekend.
First, I threw a party Saturday night in celebration of my one year anniversary of being out of the closet (wooohoo!). Over 30 people came, and my house was bursting with conversation, good food, laughter, and love. (Plus, I’ve always wanted to throw a gay party, so my gay little heart was thrilled about this party finally happening:).
I have these moments in big events (like my launch party last February, this weekend’s party, etc) where I take a moment to look around at all the beauty, magic, and connection that is happening and the love that is swirling all around me, and I. soak. it. in.
I breathe it all in and honor the magic that is happening before my eyes.
If I ever feared I would be alone…
If I ever thought I would be an outcast…
this weekend reminded me that that could not be further from the truth.
I am blessed, loved, surrounded, and supported in the most powerful ways.
And I have the most amazing friends.
Like, how did this happen??
(And I know how it happened, but sometimes you still have to ask yourself that when your heart is full and your breath is taken away!)
This community is the result of living a life of courage, vulnerability, intentionality, and, honestly, just allowing myself to be loved.
The love was always there; I just had to be open to receiving it.
And, honestly, everyone should throw themselves a party.
And you don’t have to have some big reason to do it!
Just call/text a bunch of your friends and tell them to get their asses to your house and freakin CELEBRATE.
You are loved, supported, and cherished more than you may know.
Let yourself experience that love and support in real time.
Throw yourself a party.
Here’s the other beautiful thing that happened this weekend.
I am working on seeing my children as not in the way but as the way.
As a blessing and not a burden.
As my power, not my prevention.
And not just in a lip service kind of a way.
In a real, embodied, deeply grateful kind of way.
So as I was planning this party, I was debating whether or not to have my kiddos there.
Part of me wanted only adults so we could have (deep) convos that wouldn’t be constantly interrupted by kids. It’d be quieter, easier, cleaner.
But as I was pondering that, I realized I was, again, seeing my children as a barrier instead of a blessing. So I decided in that moment that my kiddos would be there and all kiddos would be welcome.
So I sent out texts inviting my peeps and inviting their children.
I bought snacks just for the kiddos (veggie straws, goldfish, popcorn, and even some pb cups!).
But you know what the most beautiful part was?
The fact that my kids were so excited about this party.
Every day for a week they did a countdown.
“5 days til the party!”
“4 days, Mom!”
“3 days, right Mom?”
“Only 2 days!”
“The party’s today! When is everyone getting here??”
Watching them eagerly anticipate the party and our friends coming over was almost more than my mama heart could bear.
And the kids did AMAZING.
They played the whole time in another part of the house and got along so well.
I hardly saw them.
Even Judah disappeared with the big kids and instead of getting hurt or being left out, John said he saw the big boys including him and making sure he was okay through all the rough and tumble.
When everyone left, Judah said, “Party was fun!”
My 3 year old.
Saying the party was fun.
My heart exploded.
The next day, all three kiddos couldn’t stop talking about the party.
How fun it was, which of their friends came, what games they played, the snacks they sneaked upstairs (and I later found;)… I sat there with a huge grin on my face as I watched the kids bask in the joy of it all.
And to think they could have missed out on all of this if I had not included them.
Oh, you guys, life is full of beauty, hope, joy, and connection.
Sometimes we just need to initiate a get together, invite all the kids, and let the chaotic joy unfold.
My heart is so full, my kids are so elated, that I wish for every person to experience this kind of joy.
Thank you to everyone who has supported me over the past year.
Thank you for being part of my community.
Thank you for loving on my children.
Thank you for showing me and this world what love-in-its-fullness looks like.
I am blessed.
I am grateful.
I am undone.
[Featured Photo: Jason Leung]