Everybody Sucks (at something)

My sister-in-law and I were talking on the phone a couple weeks ago about what triggers our insecurities, particularly as women and for me as a mom, and the expected responsibilities each role assumes. We shared a couple stories of people we know who seem to do the whole wife/life thing so much better than we do and the anxiety and stress that causes us as a result. Because, naturally, we compare. Such as…

If THAT person’s a stay-at-home parent like me and their house is spotless, then that must mean a spotless house is possible, even with 3 wild banshees running around, so then WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why can’t I do it all when THEY can??

Or

SHE’S married and working and yet is able to pull off a 9 course meal all made from scratch, including fancy cocktails and amazing desserts to boot, and I can barely manage to prepare food that only involves adding water! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Anyone? Nope? Just me? Okay, I’ll just process this with my therapist at my next appointment then… 😉

These thoughts take over our mind like sneaky ninjas and before we know it, our train of thought has been hijacked and all we’re thinking about is how big of a loser we are and how awesome everybody else is and how much we suck at doing life while everyone else seems to be pulling it off pretty seamlessly.

It’s discouraging and exhausting.

That’s the nature of comparison. IT GETS US NOWHERE.

So as I was sharing my thoughts on this with my sister-in-law, the phrase “If we’re honest, everybody sucks at something!” slipped out of my mouth and it made my SIL burst into laughter. Not just because it’s funny but BECAUSE IT’S TRUE.

NO ONE PERSON HAS IT ALL TOGETHER. NO ONE.

While someone may be an amazing homekeeper, that person may also struggle with depression in ways we don’t know. Or while one person is amazing at making people laugh, that person’s entire world may be falling apart. That may seem far fetched but I suspect there are enough of us who are nodding along and saying, “Yes, that’s ME!” or “Yes! I know someone who is going through that!”

We are not the only ones who are a hot mess. We ALL are a hot mess.

I don’t mean to beat a dead horse, but there is something powerful about being honest about our shortcomings and our inability to do everything perfectly. Trying to appear as perfect or perfectly put together does no one a favor. It only isolates you from being able to expose your honest messy self to others and it prevents people from opening up to you because they think you won’t understand their struggles.

I have learned that shared brokenness/common struggles are what draw people closer together than the appearance of having it all together. There’s something beautiful in that – that while we THINK we want *perfection*, in truth we actually hunger for *CONNECTION*.

And the best way to find connection is being able to admit we don’t have it all together. That we can’t do it all. That there are areas in our lives that need healing.

The struggle is real so let’s be REAL about our struggles!

So as you navigate your way through life remember that no one has it all together and that everyone sucks at something. For me, I suck at being able to cook food for company (<– a source of MAJOR anxiety for me) as well as letting go of things from my past. Oh, and brushing my teeth. (Seriously, who has time to brush much less floss their teeth TWICE a day with wild monkeys children climbing on you and demanding things from you? Ain’t nobody got time for that).

Not that we should necessarily celebrate our shortcomings but we should definitely RECOGNIZE them. Don’t be intimidated by them or ashamed of them. Call them for what they are and then RECALL everything that you ARE good at! It’s so incredibly easy to focus so much on the negative that we forget all the good we bring to the table.

What good do I bring to this world? For me that’s making people feel welcomed and safe and loved. I love newbies and outsiders because I always feel kind of like an outsider myself (it’s a TCK thing, I think).

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At the end of our phone conversation, my sister-in-law shared this quote with me that she and her friend say to each other, and I think this should be EVERYONE’S MANTRA.

Here it is:

The mess in me recognizes and embraces the mess in you.

That’s worth reading again:

The mess in me recognizes and embraces the mess in you.

We shouldn’t be afraid of our mess but should instead let it draw us close to those who are also a mess (aka ALL OF HUMANITY) so that together we can support each other on our journeys through life.

We’re all a hot mess and it’s okay.

Signed,
The Queen of Hot Mess <3