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Taking Your Power Back

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I have had an inwardly tumultuous journey as a stay at home mom over the years.
If you’ve followed my blog for some time now, you likely know that.

So when all 3 of my kiddos went to school full time for the first time this past year, I had mixed emotions.

I was THRILLED to finally have a life again after being home full time for 7 years.
I also felt GUILTY for enrolling my not-even-2-year-old into school full time.

I was conflicted, to say the least.

It was about a month into school, however, that I felt like I came up for air for the first time in years.

It was then that I realized just how alone, dark, and desperate-for-air I felt being home all day every day with my precious kiddos.

Once I came up for air, I knew there was no way I could go back to being home full time.

I needed community.
I needed a break.
I needed intellectual stimulation.
I needed play.

And the school year of 2017-2018 gave me just that.
I was in grad school full time (LOVING IT), came out publicly, threw a launch party, and had ONE AMAZING YEAR.

Then the summer began to approach.

My two youngest kiddos would have school in summer, but my 8 year old would be home full time, and so would I since I wasn’t taking grad classes in the summer.

I was nervous.

Me? Full time SAHM again?
I didn’t want to go back to that.

I loved being a student.
I loved being a businesswoman.

I brought up my nervousness with my community at my seminary, vocalizing my fear of feeling alone and trapped again.

I brought it up with my therapist, telling her that I needed support to go three months being in full time SAHM mode again. I didn’t know if I could do it.

In talking with my therapist, she reminded me of ALL that I have accomplished, of how strong and creative I am, and that I’m not nearly as weak or ‘in need of support’ as I was making myself out to be. (she wasn’t saying I should go it alone; she instead helped pull me out of the negative/fearful spiral I was in).

And she was right.

I was making this into a much bigger thing than it needed to be.

I then turned the narrative around in my head.

  • I was thrilled that my oldest and I would have AN ENTIRE SUMMER together.
    The last time we had an entire summer alone together was when she was 2 years old before her sister was born. That was 6 years ago!
  • I was excited to spend so much time with someone who LOVES to chat and talk about fun, silly, and deep things.
  • I was excited to take her on dates and do things that would light her up.
  • I was excited to fill her love tank as she THRIVES on quality time.

This became the expectation and lens through which I viewed the impending summer.

And now, here I am, a week before school starts, and I CANNOT BELIEVE summer is nearly over.

And I did it! We did it!

I survived summer as a full time SAHM, and my 8 year old has had the best summer yet.
We didn’t just survive – we THRIVED.

This is another big shift I experienced while in Europe this month.

I had this breakthrough with the way I viewed my children.

I always felt like I couldn’t do what I wanted to do in life because of my kiddos.
I turned down so many opportunities ‘because of’ my children.
Whether or not I was aware of it, I was blaming my children for holding me back in certain areas of my life.

And then a shift happened.

I CHOSE a different narrative.

  • I now believe my children are my power, not my prevention.
  • I now believe my children are a blessing, not a burden.
  • I now believe my children are my breakthrough, not my barrier.
  • I now believe that my children are the reason I do what I do.

I will never again ‘blame’ them for holding me back. Because they don’t.
THEY SET ME FREE.

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What about you?

What area in your life are you blaming others for why you’re not where you want to be?
What narrative have you created that holds you back from doing what you feel called to do?

As a co-creator, you have a ton of miraculous power coursing through your body at every moment.

You can use that power to play victim mode and to blame everyone and every thing for why you are the way you are. Or you can use that power to create new narratives, a new paradigm for the way you approach and LIVE life.

No more blaming.
No more giving your power away.

Instead, take ownership of whatever it is in your life that seems to hold you back (toxic relationships, bad job, lack of connections, etc), WHATEVER IT IS, and create an alternative narrative that gives you YOUR POWER BACK.

As long as you blame others, you will be victim to their actions.
Once you take your power back, you will have all the power you need to create the reality you want.

And, mamas of little ones, hang in there.
Your goal is to survive the early years, sleep and eat while you can, KNOWING that it gets better. SO MUCH BETTER.

Give yourself grace and know that your time is coming. And it’s going to be fucking glorious.

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